I was some horrified a few minutes ago when I realized that I had not posted anything on here sence early February last year, spretty close to my most recent birthday, which is February sixth. What had suddenly made me just stop?
I don't think it had anything to do with my birthday (although SOME kind of "time chime" might have rung), but it DID have to do with three years of Coved lockdowns. In earlier lockdown years, I assumed that the people who were really suffering were those who had been sick, or hospitalized, maybe died or had loved ones who died, or lost their businesses, or any of all the myriad horrors would have happeend to a person. I had not had any of those types of occurrences, so I assumed that I was "fine" and not really suffering.
That was very wrong. I was not only suffering, I was getting psychically sick. I am not married and do not have any children. I had retired from the "normal working grind" a year prior and was working on some books I had hoped to publish and do a lot of other things that my previous work did not allow time for. The "not going to the office" and "working on things I wanted to" had felt like a goal, not something that could actually hurt me. This solitary situation sounds almost like a godsend escept for some pretty powerful aspects that point in the other direction. For one thing, as humans we are NOT really made to be totally solitary and especially so for a person who is as much of a "people person" as I am. I can and will talk with as many people as I can. During the lockdowns, just about the only people I ever even got to SEE (let alone talk with them) were masked shoppers at the gorcery store for half an hour once a week or so...people who were even afraid to be in the same aisle and who would pointedly look away from you as if that would make you disappear.
Where I live is a very large housing complex, about 2/3 or half a large city block. All but two families I knew moved out, unable to afford the rent now that one or both of the bread winners lost their jobs or businesses. New tenants took their places, all wearing mesks, and even now I don't even know who they are. And it seems that most of them do not even speak English. Why did my block turn into a United Nations?
The ONLY connections I really had for the three years of lockdowns was the telephone. A voice on a phone is not a substitute for human connection but people grasp at straws and so of coarse demonic AT&T managed to continue raising their cates of phone calls until I was forced to get unlimited calling that was costing me $260 a month. I won't even unpack the other things they were doing at this same time, such as claiming that their customers were potential hackers and every day you had to play "change the password" evey day until custemers finally got rid of them and ended up with NO telephonic connections or signed up with other carrirs that were even worse.
Throughout all this time, my brain was forgetting all kinds of nows so that I hardly ever knew the name of the simplest devices or place names. It was as if my ability to speak was fading away, and so was my ability to read. I had larned how to read adult books before I was even in nursery school, but now I felt like my reading skill was like someone who had never even seen the letters before. It actualy makes sence I think about it, that a skill, not being used will made away as it no longer having any use. Even worse than that was that I was generating fears of the outdoors, prograstinating on going out to buy food because the aura outside seemed so hostile.
But my lowest level was when I didn't even want to get up out of bed anymore. There was an actual name for what I was now, but like so many names now, I no longer remember its name, but it IS a genuine serious malady and there were therapists advertising to being able to treat it.
I wasn't interested in starting a whole long therapy, the kind that they continue to try to keep you going to it "forever" (after all, if I didn't even want to get out bed...) but I HAD gone to a very nice man many years go (in much happier times) and I thought he might be a good choice (after all, I WAS able to bring a end to that other series, so I would not be stuck). I rememer that he was a very good person to talk with and wasn't that the think I really needed, a good person to talk with, IN PERSON?
I left seveal calls on his various answering machines around the city and I was able to determine that he was still in pracrice, but never ever returned any of my phone calls. Mabye he was very busy, overwhelmed, or whatever, but he certainly could have at least simply left a message back to me that he could not take on another patient, or whatever his situation was. BUT INSTED HE IGNORED MY CALLS ALTOGETHER! Is that any way to run a therapy practice? I say no. I say that is a TERRIBLE way to run a therapy practice, especially NOW in this crucial situation in our present situation. I call that a PERMANENT failure on his part.
But then I thought of a MUCH better person, an extremely powerful and vastly educated person who is an expert in numerous healing and spiritual modalities from all around the world. I own and have read several of his books and have even had a private session with him where he lives, Santa Fe. I woldn't be surprised if several readers of my blog are familiar with him: his name is Jose' Stevens, PHD and can be easily found on the Internet by his name. I also greatly enjoy reading his free monthly articles that are all timely.
I decided that the best thing I should do was to see if I could have an hour session with him over the telephone. And I was right. He was certainly familiar with my malady and when I started to explain to him that I thought I had developed this situation due to the three years of punishing solitude, he stopped me and said it would take time to deal with what could have caused the malady...yes it could have been brought in by that, but there could have been numerous other causes as well, but instead he would rather use to time for fixing it! Well, fixing it is what we wanted!
He told me that he fully understood what I was going through and there were two aspects to what he was going to be doing for me. One of them was medictions, and the other was a powerful spiritual practice.
For the medical aspect, he listed out numerous pills all of which I should buy and take. I had never heard of any of them, but I dutifly wrote down their names. For the siritual practice, he carefully guided me into details of the pysical and mental locations, aspects, and of the practice, the history and the discovery of the practice itself, and the fact that every highly advanced spiritual master had each independent DISCOVERED the prarice without receiving it from any one else.
After our session, I went onto Amazon and I was surprised to see that every single of the medications (six different things) was available there, and, in fact several different choices and sizes and costs were here. I have also found a pharmacy here that have some (but not all) of these. As I was moving the cursor across the Amazon pages, I would see smatterings of what the medications were to do and all of it was right on to what I needed. I have now taking them dutifuly and definitely have felt notable changes...no not wanting to get out of bed, no fears, and so on. The memories and names for things look like they might be harder.
Regarding the spiritual practice, I was somewhat surprised that Jose' had even presented it to me, as it came from the independent discoveries of such elevated spiritual beings from around the world; was I even worthy to be presented to this. But HE knows what he is doing and most likely those who can appreciate it and follow it, then it belongs with them, and others would let it fall by the wayside. What I think about what Jose' had done, the medictions were for the physical aspects of my maladies, such as stress coming from the strugles of the solitude. The spiritual aspect was for the "knew now" that we all (or so many) may be moving into the next level of whatever might be coming, or we will be fashioning.
On the heels of the Jose' session where I was moving back toward to someting new, I got an advertisement about an upcoming CRUISE that was going to be leaving from Los Angeles and go south down to the Panama Canal and all the way over to Miami! I had longed to go on a cruize through the Panama Canal, so I booked the Norwebian Bliss and was gone from December 2 to 17 and back home here from Miami.
What a blast...just exactly was what the doctor ordered! I KNEW I had to get out of L.A. and joing five hundred thousand cruisers on this glorious journey. I seemed to have made dozens of friends, many of which I hope will become permanent, but even if that doesn't happen, it was wonderful for me and while I still have some aspects of my "malady", thinks have improved gigantically so there IS coming back!
I hope you will join me!
All my love to all of you (even if I don't know you!). Those who have felt ignored all this time, I regret that so much, but mayby now you will know why. It was a hard road there, but things are now on the mend!
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